You Need Therapy Girl!

Hello! Hello! Hello! On this episode we are talking about being healed(ing) vs unhealed as stylists and ways in which we end up bringing our unresolved traumas into the salon. This one gets real as we chat about ways to start your healing journey so it doesn't get between you and the bag! 

Transcript

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Welcome to Everyone Wants 100 percent and I'm your girl, Shawanda. And I'm Jaleesa. I'm sorry, guys. Sometimes I go by aliases. I have to think about my name for a minute. I know, right? You don't have a fake name. I do. What's your fake name? I can't tell y'all my fake name. You're locked up, won't let you out. What's the fake name? Cause he ain't using it no more. It's Samantha. Sam? Sam. Yep. Wow. Mike B, do you have a fake name? Mike B. That was a good one! That's gonna be a clip, please! That's gonna be a clip! Well, my fake name is Jessica. Well, yeah, it's also your Instagram name, so it's not that fake. Hey, hey, hey. It's really you. I don't look at that as your fake name. You know what? You and everybody else. Because as they talk to me, they be like, Hey, have you seen Jessica? Who is Jessica? You mean Jaleesa? Yes, that's me, but that lets me know that you don't really know me. That's true. That's true. See, nobody knows my fake name. I barely give it. Right. I don't be talking to nobody in the street. I be like Because who want to know Sam? I want to get to know Shavonda. How you know? Because Sam is fun. You absolutely right. I ain't never meet Sam. Is Sam the woman that's locked up inside of you? You didn't even know my fake name. I didn't. Right. Because I don't even that doesn't count. All right. Well, hey, y'all. We having our own little conversation. We just want to welcome y'all to everybody once a hundred percent. What's tea? Yes. And this is where we give you the real behind the salon industry. So what's tea, sweetie? Well, what's tea is right. It's tax season. Boo! Boo! Boo! Boo! Who paid their taxes to the Uncle Sam? I'm not even going to disclose any kind of situations in regards to that because my name I want no parts of this conversation. My name is Wesley Snipes. Yeah, well, I mean, it's very fitting for businesses and small business owners. And how do you guys feel about when tax time rolls around? Well, we know it's ended. Yeah. I feel like business owners in itself, they are very much so, um, what's the word I'm looking for? They're very much, no annoyed when tax season comes around because it's like, I got to pay back. I don't get excited anymore because. And I don't know if that's a, if that's a brag or cause it's not a brag for me. Like I almost always have to pay back so I don't get excited when it comes around. Back in the day, there used to be excitement around tax time. Well, it might be still. Cause we had no money. We were getting claims off our parents giving us a little 500. We was excited. I know I was excited. Even as a young adult for me, like tax time was very serious. Very crucial. A lot of people in our culture, they use that money for savings and they take families on vacations and big trips or they do something or they buy something. A lot of big flat screen TV. I thought that only gets purchased during Thanksgiving. Oh gosh. Well, listen, tax time for business owners can be a bit stressful, but if you have your business in order from the top of the year to now, you shouldn't be scrambling. I don't know if it's a scrambling situation. It's more but I ain't getting no money back situation Well, I I think from a business Standpoint is a little different because i'm still learning up. Right? I'm still learning. She's still learning guys from a business standpoint You have to have your affairs in order for this moment because it can get overwhelming for a lot of people. I mean, but don't y'all just write everything off? And you know what? That bothers me. Write it off! I'm just gonna write it off. I thought that that was a good thing. Every time I heard somebody who owned a business. Yeah, everyone that doesn't have knowledge. Yeah, just write it off. Yeah, if you don't have any knowledge on what it is. It doesn't really equate to much, because what are we writing off and why? It can equate to much. Tell me why as a small business owner. Because I know the car is a big thing. I need to know as a small business owner. It lowers your tax assessment. So it lowers how much you have to pay in taxes based on the things that you actually write off. The issue comes when people are trying to write off things that are not taxable. Supposed to be written off, wait, no, or they're not like keeping proper records in the way that they're supposed to in order for those things to get written. Okay. So when you write something off, right? Does that now lower your total income? Yes. Yeah. See, that doesn't always work for people. What do you mean? So that doesn't work when you're trying to obtain like loans for your business. If you want to show that your business is lucrative, you can't be writing off everything. Cause now you made 2 and nobody wants to give you a gift. You can't write off everything. You need to find the sweet spot and that's why you need a really good tax professional. Right. That's going to get you to where you need to be without having you look like a Crazy in these streets. Yes. So you need it. It's a balancing act. Yes. And a message from our sponsors. Anyone who's interested tax wise and sponsoring the next episode. You know, you let us know. Yeah. Maybe you want to come on and chat with us about, it's all about the. Especially in this beauty industry where most people are freelancers. Yes. Yes. Cause it can get so confusing when you sit down with your accountant and you don't know what they talking about. Schedule this and then schedule that. You be like, what now? Where's the receipt for the, for the sandwich that you bought on March 2nd? So you said this business dinner with your five homegirls was a business write off. Do you have the meeting notes? We talked about her man. Is her man a paid employee? It's like levels. Wait. Mike B sounds like an infomercial. No, but. But that's our B. It's real. That's our, it's so real. It's real. Because I want a write off. A cut. So. What do you write off? Well, I don't, I don't like the write off concept. Like a lot of people, like when you have classes, they're like, yeah, paste this 5, 000 class. It's a tax writer. I don't want to write anything off because I need to show that my business is profitable. I'm sorry. Y'all I'm just having a little bit of a wild wardrobe malfunction because it's giving bodyguard and I'm trying to make sure y'all see the fit. I feel like the first day of school, she got this train of a bow. She looks beautiful guys. Yeah. You got to watch us on YouTube to see that as you should be watching us on YouTube. And you know, my stylist could never not be a stylist. She got to make sure I look good at all times. I mean, I try and as you should try as you should. So you don't write off anything. That's what you're saying. I don't, I don't, I don't think I'm rich enough for that yet. Um, and here I was saying, I I am, I ain't get no money back. You definitely should be writing some things off. You might be leaving some stuff on the table. There's some things obvious. Yeah. There's some. I, I'm not writing. You can't say obviously, because I don't know. I can't say obvious. Yeah. But there are guidelines that I follow that I do get tax benefits from, but not really. Are there things you can share or no? I mean, it's simple things, it's products, it's like how, what I need to run my, you know, those things. But writing off things doesn't ever feel like it's beneficial to me. Well I can tell you. And maybe I do need another tax benefit. I was about to tell you, I can tell you from And no shade, no shade, because I love my tax guy. I've been rocking with him for, um, it's about six, seven years now. Oh, wow. I can tell you from my experience this tax season. Yes. Write offs are a huge thing. They are because I started at this amount and when my tax man was done I'm folding my arms up and i'm not going to jail. I'm just gonna pay the money I'm, just folding it to take the money out because he got those numbers down down, baby Yeah, it's it's hard. Um, I don't know I think because Like I said, I'm not rich enough. So when I reached that threshold of being like, okay, write it off, write it off, then I'll feel a little better. I I'm in a point where it feels like I'm a little bit stuck in writing things off and trying to show profits and things like that. I mean, those are the things, like I know, uh, products, things of that sort. Those are the things that I know. Right. So like, for instance, like if you want to ever buy a home, like, and as a business owner. When you purchase a home, it's very difficult being an entrepreneur and purchasing a home or just the, the, what are the freelancers? Yes. So as a freelancer, so you have to make sure that you have everything written down, like even as a freelancer, I do believe you guys should be paying yourself through a payroll company because you can't show up with these written, um, pay stubs, like, yeah, that's not going to work. That's not going to work. You should be paying yourself. But that's a whole nother episode because as a disclaimer, we are not tax professionals. Please seek professional assistance when they go to motion voice. Yes. When looking for this information, this is all just from experience. This is from experience. Yeah. Speculation and allegedly. You got to make sure we do not get sued. Right, right. Uh. That girl, Shawanda, on that show, everyone won't find it, but she said, First of all, are y'all worried about the people? I'm worried about those three letters. What letters? I R S, okay? Cause I know they watch it and they gon be quick. To be like, she says she may have, she says she wrote off what she didn't say. Just kidding. But I told him I ain't rich. So I've been saying that for two episodes straight. You know, um, I do believe like the perception of owning a business can be like, oh, she got it. Talk about it. I remember when I purchased my home. Like people, she got it. No, I actually need it because I just spent it off. Cause you know, what's the first thing. Okay. Big ball. I saw something on a, on, uh, someone's page, a really popular influencer that I like. And it was like, save me from the okay. Big balls. It must be nice people. Yes. All of them. I got in my life right now. Must be nice. That is so nice. It's all perception. If you are not about your business, then you as broke as everyone else. I don't agree with you because what are the unemployed doing on a random Wednesday? Stay outside. Right. Meanwhile, we all know where I'm at. The poor get, what's, what's the song? If you continue to give temporary solutions to the poorest of the poor. One day, the poor will become poorest, and the poorest will become the poorest of the poorest stars. That's where I'm at. I'm at the poorest of the poorest stars. Not you just serenaded. Right. But I had to let her sing that because when she sings this song, I really be listening. And I know that. The TikTokers know what I'm talking about because that is my jam. You got to stop giving us temporary solutions to the poorest of the poor. Give me some money. And that's for you, Uncle Sam. Right. Let me get a little change. Bring the cameras closer. You got that little stipend I gave y'all? Y'all got that little, little check I gave y'all? No, I want more. Yeah. Where's my um, reparations? We are going to move on to our next segment. That segment is called Salon Etiquette 101. And in that segment, we're going to get you all the way together and we're going to give you the do's as well as the don'ts of the industry. So, we are talking about the healed beauty professional. Ooh, a little different today. What is that about? So, I feel like we should give the listeners a little synopsis on what we're about to talk about this episode. Okay. Um, so, it's um, Dealing with a healed professional versus a non healed professional. So someone who has dealt with their traumas in the past versus someone who has not. And how does that, how does that translate for the, yes, for the salon world? Yes, yes. Oh, well, um, it translate because as a healed person in general, you have, um, skills and you have acquired skills to deal with certain situations that arise in your life. And what's your version of healed? What do you think healed means? So it's just awareness for me. Okay. Like, am I going to, uh, Yala Van Zandt show, uh, fix my life? Am I getting my life fixed? Like, what am I doing? Healed. Okay. So I think that in this, um, let me not say that a lot of us are healing. I don't know how much of us are healed and I don't even know if that's a real thing, you know, like being healed, but as long as you're healing, Then you're aware and being aware makes you conscious and then you deal with things differently than you would if you didn't have any awareness. That's very true. That's very true. So that's the first step. Cause I see a lot of the times when I talk to people, I have on a different pair of glasses because a lot of the times I'm like, wow, girl, you need therapy. Yeah. You need therapy. I think we talk about therapy a lot. Because we are girls of the healing journey. We gotta get a therapist on this show. We definitely gonna have a therapist on this show. We gotta get a therapist on here because We, we, I mean, we speak from our, you know, our personal experience with our therapist, but I feel like you guys would benefit from actually, uh, like a real trained professional be on here. We're gonna work on that guys. So being a healed person, um, is a different outlook, any situation that's. thrown at you, you, instead of not having the skills, you pretty much are calculating in how you handle it. So it's just simple customer, maybe at interactions. I think if someone says something crazy, you can kind of like gauge how you're going to respond. I think it's more of a situation where therapy allows you to stop and think. Yeah. Like, I feel like that's all it boils down to. It gives you the opportunity to be like, okay, this person, this is, this has nothing to do with you. Yeah. This is everything to do with them. And then you start going back to your sessions and realizing they're going through this, this, this, this, and this. Yeah, you can literally point it out. And you're not in that space right now. So how are you going to address it? Deep, calm breathing, speaking in a soft tone and really getting your point across. Yeah. And if they don't get that, then it's nook if you book. No, it's not nook. Just kidding. Just kidding, guys. Just kidding. I'm healed. But like Talisa it gives you a You're on your journey. Yeah. Healing. I N G. So, um, like Julissa said, yes, it gives you a moment to pause because, um, a lot of situations when you, it allows you to, I know my, my therapist in the past, like, what are you feeling when this happens? Cause you never really know what you're feeling, but when you have to think about the feeling that is associated with it, then you can explain and then you can understand. So when it happens, you don't react to it. In the way that you would. So, yeah, yeah, yeah. Let's talk about the unhealed. How are the unhealed stylists dealing with Being a stylist right now. Can you speak to it? Because I don't think you can. Yes, I can. Because I feel like you're real healed. It's getting me beyond the Van Zandt. So I want to That's a good thing to me. Uh, yes, and I appreciate the compliment from you. See, a unhealed person would not have said thank you friend. Thank you for that compliment. Because they wouldn't have recognized that it was a compliment. Right. So Unhealed person, because I was that person before, it can, it kind of can translate a lot of different ways. So I was someone who would shut down. So like, I wouldn't be like, look, if you book, but I would get quiet. I would go walk away. I would be quiet the rest of the day. And the people, what's the matter? What's wrong with you? And I would just be in my head and I would be uncomfortable. And then I wouldn't voice my opinion. So. Translating to business and being a salon owner, that doesn't work at all. Because you have, you're in constant communicate, you have to be in constant communication with employees, clients, anybody. So you have to know how to speak what's going on. And I can speak to people. It only from a cultural standpoint, you know? So what are you trying white people on the show? Cause that's what it's getting. No, I'm talking about my community of people. So I live in a community with black people. I live in a, I've only dealt with a lot of minorities. So I can only speak from us. I don't know what the other side traumas are. White girls go wild. Like, we just need someone of another, another ethnicity to know they have traumas. But as for our people, I think that it shows up, it shows up in every day for them. I think it shows up only when somebody breaks your boundaries. But we, but, okay. For the stylist? Yeah, because here's, here's my thought process. Boundaries that the clients sometimes don't even know about because you're not healed or on that healing journey. And so you didn't communicate it, so they don't even know that it exists. So then now you're mad that they did something that they didn't even know that they did? Yes. Okay. So then we can't even talk about what you're about to say. Well, the end guys. The end. Right, because if you're not healed, or in some cases, if you're not healed, you're not good with communicating. No, and I feel like communication is what, It's so, it's so, it's such an easy word to say, but it's so hard in our community. Yes, it is. It is so hard because the moment that we open our mouths, whether it be male or female, it's the angry black woman slash man persona. And that has been dumped on me so many times. And it's like, it's like, I have to switch it around. That's why I feel like I'm so witty because I have to be able to insert some comedic relief to certain things, but that's a part of trauma. If you guys don't know, it's me, uh, deflecting and avoiding what's happening and try to make sure that everything around me is good instead of just communicating and saying, what's going on with me? Why am I making this joke? Because I'm in an uncomfortable space and I don't know how to deal with this. I'm going to be like, your mama is going to say something. That's gonna deflect it, but what I should actually be doing is talking about what's going on with me. And I see it happen every day. From the time that you have started. So Brooklyn and the employees that we have had as well as have, I see it all day. I see the constant battle and I just be wanting to be like, y'all want my therapist's phone number because this day could go so much smoother if I don't have to pull it out of you. Yeah. And that I feel like I can speak from a managerial position and I don't know it might be you can speak from that because you have experience in that as well to being able to communicate with their team and sometimes they don't want to tell you what's wrong with with them, but and then you got to go down the rabbit hole as to okay, girl, what is happening? What happened when you left here? Managers are for sure, um, therapists of, you know, unlicensed, but, for sure. I feel hoodwinked, because friend, you ain't telling me that this was a part of the job. Well, um, being a salon owner or a stylist is a psychologist as well. Because when we have clients in our chair, we do talk about things that can be very heavy. And psychology is definitely something that I wanted to study in school, and I went for a little while. So it just makes sense that I'm in this. I enjoy I enjoy talking to people, um, and I enjoy understanding them and like, I, I won't know anyone's name right off the bat, but I always remember what they said to me and I enjoy talking to them and talking through the issues that they have and giving my feedback. I just enjoy the whole experience. But yes, it is very much being a psychiatrist. Because I don't understand why you can't just tell me you hung over. Good girl. Well, that's not a little different because they don't want to tell their boss that they're hungover. Okay. So again, corporate America, small business, two different relationships. Yes and no. Some of the relationships because there's a way that you can professionally say, I had a time last night, girl, and it's affecting the way that I am today, but I'm pushing through. I'm tired. Yeah. But I don't know how well I would be in receiving that information as an, as an owner or a boss. Correct. I guess we're all different because we personally, I'm going to say I understand maybe because I'm the millennial boss. I would just be like, Oh yeah, like. Yeah, you're hungover, but push through. We gotta still be, cause I am pushing too. I too am hungover. And I too am trying to push through. So let's keep these smiles, make it Disney World, and let's get out of here at 5. 30. Right. But it'd be so hard. And that's just going back to communication. It's so difficult to say sometimes what I'm feeling, what I'm going through. As a boss. Yeah. Cause I don't got nobody to talk to. Oh, Who I'm going to talk to? Yeah. No, for real, for real. Let's break it down. Who am I going to talk to? I can't talk to the, my boss. Cause my boss going to tell me, Boss it out. Right. And I can't talk to the people beneath me because they don't get you to boss. Yeah. So I'm in this space where I'm like, Who am I going to vent to? A peer. Thank you, therapist. Yeah. Yeah. Or a peer. And a peer is someone that is, In either in the direct industry. Well, yeah, or someone that has been already using your resources Resources is a great form of therapy as well Like being able to talk to someone that can relate to what you're going through Because being a boss and being a small business owner can be a very very small Face like a very click. Yeah, it's like you feel secluded in a way sometimes because not everyone can relate to what you're going through And you go through so many different experiences and dealing with people and just everyone's personality and it gets like Overwhelming at times like what the hell am I doing this for? Like what am I doing this look? It's like I don't got time, I got my own kids at home, I got my own relationship issues, I don't know what I'm eating tonight for dinner. I haven't even eaten anything since I woke up. Yeah, but I have to now, I have to now be that person for you because, you know, you're my employee and I gotta make sure that you're good. That's a lot. So therapy is very heavy for me. Therapy is a trigger. Therapy is very much needed. I do believe that we should all be seeking some kind of guidance because it is guidance. Mm hmm. Yeah, I don't disagree. I don't disagree, but we want to be this up because it's a little heavy. So we're going to go on to segment. Tangled Tales, where we detangle the mess. We'll be reading and sharing some of the craziest reviews, personal and social media stories, and giving our feedback. Can I go? Go ahead, girl! So a few weeks ago, I really love Mary Mary. And Oh, that's what it is? Yes. That's the other Mary. So I, Erica Campbell, she went on a rant and a PSA, and she basically spoke about, uh, how you should treat your clients or customers saying that the way that one part, the experience that you had prior with other people should not be inflicted on the people who you're working with going forward. And she was basically just schooling us, letting us know, like, you cannot treat everybody the same. You cannot be the same with everyone because every situation is different. And I feel like this applies to business owners, to stylists. This applies to everybody who is running a business. If, uh, Joe Schmoe hoodwinked you and bamboozled you yesterday. Sarah's not going to do that today. So you got to wake up and you got to choose. You got to make a conscious choice that you're not going to treat everybody the same. And that is hard. I don't think so. I do. I do. And I can talk about that all day long. Because it's cultural. So we are very much, we grow up on the defense. Like literally, when we came out the wounds. We had our dukes up because our parents, our parents come from an era of always feeling slighted and always feeling like they have to fight their way through everything. So that's a New Yorker thing. Um, it could be, but it can be also West Indian thing. Uh, Southern thing, uh, slavery day thing. Like we are living all of through all of the traumas. There's no way that all of us are just single. No, because there are some people who are not the same. My sister and I are not the same, but we grew up in two different cities. Exactly. Right, so I think it's a New York thing. I don't know. I think it's a New York thing. I don't, I think that Do you have any suggestions? The voice in my head? Um, I mean, I don't know. For treating people differently, for me, that has always been a thing. So, I, if I'm treating people differently, Talking to you. I'm going to talk to you in a way that you receive the information and if I'm talking to somebody else, I'm going to do that differently, especially in, um, a workplace, especially coming from a managerial background. You cannot talk to two people the same. I used to have one girl that would cry no matter what you said to her. So I had to talk to her a lot different from the girl who was like, all right, I'm ready. I'll do whatever needs to be done. You know, you have to, um, adjust your message for who it is that is receiving it. And I think I've always been, I don't find that difficult to do. That's not hard at all. I think it's difficult. I think it's difficult all day because it makes me feel like I'm acting. Really? Yes, because I can't talk to, I can't talk to Simone the way I talk to Natalie. Right, because Simone and Natalie are two different people. However, they're both doing the same dumb shit. Right? Got it. So, so, so now I have to, Hey Simone, now you know that we're not, you know the rule. I, I, I understand and I'm so sorry that you feel that way, but this is versus Natalie who's going to be like, girl, you don't even got to come over here and tell me nothing. I already know what I did. I got this. All right. If got it. Yeah, but I think I'm thinking about it more. I feel like you're talking about within the business, maybe dealing with the stylist or the employees at hand. The clients that walk through the door, right? That's what she was talking about. She was coming from a place of more like i'm a client or a customer coming into your establishment And you're giving me this energy that doesn't belong to me because you had a bad experience with jessica Why are you now treating me this way? Correct. I'm not, Jessica, I'm walking in and I'm asking you about the services that you have or I'm in, I'm, I'm trying to figure out what it is that I need from you and you giving me this energy. I agree. And that's agree. That's where I wasn't, I I went off on a tangent. I get it. I get it. So that's where she was coming from and I don't think that's hard to do, but it's having the knowledge. And I do, like I said, I do believe this culture is something that they can't help. Like you said, I can't help that. But I do believe you can. Because you do a very good job at it. But there are some people Because I be lying! But that's There are some people that literally don't know the difference. Like it's, it's, and they hold this grudge of well, damn, I just got played. So now everybody that walks through the door is going to try to play me. And this is just like the West Indian restaurant. Don't we all, isn't there always a joke about that? About the women behind the counter? Yes. How she's always had the attitude and they're rude. You can't get no oxtail gravy unless you get an oxtail. Like, why you talking to me like that? I don't think none of them talk to you like that though. What? Not in that accent. I was about to say, it's giving Monique accent vibes. I wasn't there for it. Excuse my terrible West Indian accent. But yes, you get to say she's treating everyone down the line the same way. I said hello and good evening. That's it? Doesn't matter, what do you want? But that's not how it's supposed to be. My question to you is, as well as it might be, who is telling them this? Who's telling who what? Who's telling them? You said, they're not aware, they're not aware, they don't Who's telling them? Well, I don't, Erica is, Mary Mary is, the clients, the clients are talking, a lot of the back and forth happens in situations like that because they're not aware, but also the clients are not saying anything, or they don't give a shit, they don't give a hell, I don't think so, I think the clients are afraid sometimes to say something, how many times have people walked into the salon and said to you, hey, I know I'm running a little bit late, but what's the late policy, I gotta make sure that, Like, they're afraid. They don't feel comfortable enough coming to you. And this goes back four or five episodes ago, where Rasheena said, no one is okay with constructive criticism. I think this is a little different. I honestly do. No, because if, hear me out, if she went into this space, and she had a bad experience, did she tell that person? Maybe the same message that she gave to us. There's no way that you're running a business and you're running into all these quiet people that don't got nothing to say because I can't mess up. I can't slip up one time. I slip up one time. It's highlighted in bold on Yelp. Okay. So I don't know what you talking about because they say what they need to say. And I do believe. Once you see all these bad reviews or you end up on that review page, you're going to know like, okay, maybe it's something I need to work on. Okay. Well, this has been said to me more than three times. Maybe I should take some light to it. Like, but she goes back to what you said earlier, what you have to care enough, care, right? You have to care enough, but she made that PCA because this has to end. We have to do better. We have a peep pool. We have to do better. We have got to do better. I treat Jaleesa like I treat Mike B. I have to be, is a, is a, is a, is a standard way you're supposed to treat everyone. Now don't, don't sit here and think that everything between us three are unicorns and rainbows because they are indeed not. Like you said, you can't treat me the way you treat Mike B. There's been instances where she has to pull me to the side and talk to me a different way, has probably already had the conversation with Mike B. And they've devised a plan to be able to get the message through. But You have to care. Yeah, you do. You have to be a level of care. And if you don't care, because if I can, we probably wouldn't be friends today. We probably wouldn't because I'm very much absolute positive. And so are my friends. They're very much like, well, right. And, and, and I won't call you after that neither, but I might, but that is the, that is the difference. Knowing your flaws, knowing where you went wrong and being able to understand what is happening for you in the moment. And backtracking and in your mind though in your mind because you can't be you can't be out here with it Then you're gonna look a little weird and that's why We gotta stay out of that mess. Yes, we do. So how are we going to be this shout out to erica? Shout out to erica for making for being the sacrificial lamb. Hallelujah And letting us know that we have to stand on business y'all we got to stand Stay out of the mess and stand on business and friend. Yes. How are we standing on business? So in this segment, we're going to talk to you about the structure systems and the tools, as well as the education that you are going to need in order to be successful in the industry. So standing on business in this segment for me would be educating yourself. On yourself. What does that mean? That means doing the work that is needed for you to deal with your traumas. I'm laughing because it's, yo, where is Iyanla? Because you must have watched the beginning of the episode. No, it is. Because she said that in her introduction. No, she doesn't. I swear, I swear. What did she say? You gotta fix yourself. Well, yeah. Well, for me in this segment, that's what that means. Cause we talk about standing on business. We talk about structure, systems and tools, education needed to make yourself successful or to have a successful salon business in this industry. Right. So for me, you have to educate yourself on yourself, girl. Okay. And break that down. Right. How do you do that? You would contact me. The therapist. Say, say you're not at that point yet. Right. Oh, sorry. There's no way that you can see your flaws without. Uh, uh, like, uh, you can, there's a lot of people that are going to show you your flaws. I don't agree with that because I knew certain things about myself and I only knew about those things when I started reading self help book. Okay. So then that's what you were doing to understand that I'm talking about someone who never read a self help book, who's never spoke to a therapist. And I sat them down and I told them all the things that I thought that they were not, You know, okay with or you know, they needed help in certain So for the stylist that is trying to trying to help themselves if their first step is not I'm gonna go to you know Get there. Well, she gave us what she said self help books Yeah, there are a couple of self help books that I still read till the day Till it's day like one of them is every day is Friday And it's a little bit on the religious side, but it's also, um, it's a book that genuinely teaches you. And I remember my cousin is the one who bought the book for me. Because she was like, Yeah, girl, you got some problems you need to work out on and I know I can't talk to you about them because we have to the difference is, is that she said, I know I can't talk to you about them. But this is what you need in order for you to be able to succeed. And I agree. And I read that book and immediately leave. The first three chapters, I was like, Oh yeah, let me go ahead and highlight this. Cause this applies, this is me, this is me. And this was before I started therapy. Okay. This was before I was even deciding to go to therapy. Like I mentioned before on salon chat, I went to therapy because of my partner, you know, cause I wanted to be a better person for them. But it wasn't until I had somebody come to me and tell me like. Maybe you shouldn't be popping off at the handles all the time, like let's go self help books. Yeah, you can't get I also think Facebook or exercise is a form of therapy Yoga is really good. I know I feel great every time I leave there the spa I feel that way, too You know, when we go to the spa girl and get a massage and, and, and work on that sciatica nerve. Yes. Like those things, um, just. I guess, focusing in, in, in understanding your thoughts. Because we're very much busy all the time. So, it can get a little frustrating. You have all these things in your head. You need to, you need an outlet. We need outlets. So, I remember my therapist said one time, Life for us is like, and business owners, it's like you got a whole bunch of necklaces in a jar, right? And when you put a whole bunch of jewelry together, what happens? They get tangled. They get tangled up. So now, you trying to take this big, big thing that's tangled up and Make sense of it instead of taking your time tangling one by one by one by one. So that way you're not lashing out at people when they walk through your door, because you just had an argument with your boyfriend in the back. So you have to learn how to regulating our emotions. And I'm only talking about in this, in being a small business owner. And dealing with people, we cannot deal with them the same. We cannot take our frustrations out on our employees, on our, on our boss, on our clients. Like we have to take a moment in the back. Like I tell my son, deep breathe. You know, you got to bring it back to the basics. Deep breathe. Count to 10. Count to 10. Yeah. And then you tell me that you can't think without me interrupting you, friend! Go ahead. Take your own advice. I'm still healing. I N G. I N G. I love that. We should just make that a clip. I N G. I N G. What does that mean to me? But I'm aware. And so me being aware would be, I'm more receptive to what you're saying. Mm hmm. Instead of me like, what girl? What you talking about? Mm hmm. She don't know what she talking about. She ain't talking to me. Mm hmm, but you are and I'm hearing you and I'm gonna process it and think about it later and work on it. Don't think too much because then you know what happens, y'all. A lot of people start to overthinkers, especially business owners. I realized that y'all be thinking about too many things all at one time. Get them necklaces out one by one, not two by two. We're gonna do me this up and we're gonna go into everyone wants a hundred percent Yeah, everyone wants to walk away with a hundred percent. But in reality the math is never mathing a hundred percent may not be realistic But we know some ways to get you closer. So as we just discussed therapy is definitely one way to To get you closer to a hundred being able to have a clearer mind. So that way, when you're juggling so many things at one time, you're, you are okay with putting something down and working on the next thing, putting another thing down, working on the next thing is easier for you to take criticism. Criticism is a big one to being able to understand what people are saying without reacting, like listening before you react, that's all of these things. I do believe. Is great. And you do learn a lot of it in therapy, but if you can't afford therapy, there are self help books. Self help books are a way where you can, you know, I guess you would, in your way is more of an intimate setting for you to pick up a book and learn things and read things and process it on your own time. You have to be in a space to want to do that. You have to be in a space to want to do. You are absolutely, I think a lot of things that we talk about, um. Are from places of you wanting to do it, right? Because you can be a successful entrepreneur and not do any of the things that we discuss and be out here yelling at people at the door and turning them around when they come and charging them. And I might be booked and busy, right? And be booked and busy. But these are the things that you have to want to do. And I feel like with that, they'll also experience a lot more burnout. They'll experience a lot more miscommunication. It will be hard for them to scale their business. And that word she said. I think in this episode, in the last episode, longevity. Yeah, yeah, there will be no longevity. Speaking of longevity, y'all, not everybody's out there to get you. Not everybody's out there to stick them on. I mean, I didn't learn that. I came from a background of everybody is wanting, does want to come for me. But did you make that up in your head? I did not. Tell me how. To this day, my dad. What he say? Where your bag at? Did you check your bag? Are you sure? I think that's a New York thing for sure. So, so, but that's my culture. That's my community. I was born and raised there. So I don't know anything else but to feel fearful that somebody's gonna do something to me. And when I started therapy, I realized, I was like, oh my God. So I'll be around my dad now. I'll be like, Calm down, calm down. Nobody is trying to rob you. They might be. So it was an incident. I mean, they might be, but they do say people in New York have PTSD. So, but we do, like everyone in New York. So for the listeners that are not subscribed. From New York. Do you guys feel like you operate from a place of fear in a lot of situations being in this industry or being an entrepreneur? Do you operate out of fear? Because I don't know. I think that we mentioned that word a lot in these past episodes. I think it's a big thing for us. Fear of failing, fear of not being a great mom, fear of not making sure that your employees or people understand you. And it's a New York thing. I don't believe so, and we will ask the people. I don't know if in the way Jaleesa just said it, that it's a New York thing, that sounds like a very human experience. I don't think so, because the show, that's where it is from. No, I get it, but just the way that you just broke it down, I do feel like that is just, Part of the human experience just being stop being scary. Yeah, because I don't be my problem in my life is that I'm oblivious. So what a whole robbery could be going on in front of me and I'm gonna be like, Oh damn, when that started, how to have very much clueless, sometimes fear, unicorn and rainbow in, no, but fear is what stops you a lot of the time. It is. It is. I think situational awareness is what we need. Like be aware of what's going on in you around you so that you not projecting and making sure that everything else is trying to get you. Like. No. I feel that way. Yeah. No, I don't, I don't, I don't think that it was definitely a word. Yeah. I don't think that it's a, it's a thing of, of everybody's trying to get you. We're just from, no, it's situational aware with fear overall is a part of the human experience. And I think when you are or the scary one human experience, and I do think when you are, you are, you are, you're scared of a lot of things. You, you just being tough, but you scared of a lot of things in general. What I was scared of. I think in general, fear is a part of being a person. I think when you guys go to therapy or when you start to self help or when you read the books, you learn how to navigate through fear. It's not necessarily not being scared. It's learning how to navigate through that feeling. So, the fact that you said navigate is a thing, because I learned this years ago, to write a fear map. Or maybe it's not that called, but I know it's a map. That's cool. And what it is, is I write on the top of it, Whatever I'm trying to achieve. Mm-Hmm. And then I write down all the things that could go wrong. Mm. That's steep. And when I write down all the things that could go wrong at the end of it, I'm like, so what? Oh, wow. That's crazy.'cause I don't even, so what? I'm the opposite So maybe if you look, maybe it's for me, that's why I say like, I don't wanna say I'm fearless, but what, what am I scared? We were scared to start this. Ooh. You. Like, don't do that. You. But who's idea was it? Mine. And usually I, I like to come up with great ideas and I love to follow through. I don't get fearful until I'm in it. Right? So again, I'll be in it and I'll be like, Oh, because I like you don't, don't see all the negative things that can go wrong. I'm like, I got an idea. I'm going to do it. We're going to do this. It's going to be like this. And then I'm like, Oh, I think that's an entrepreneur spirit, right? I'll be like, wait a minute, right? Can we do this? Can I do this? Yeah, we about to record 5, 4, 3, 2, 1, right? So it's very much like I sat down and wrote my fear map out of all the things that I was afraid of to do this show. Right. And at the end of it, it was serious. No, there was one thing that I was very fearful of. And I know what that is. Right. So I was very much so like, If you take on this responsibility, know that this is a possibility. Right. And I still said, fuck it. Okay. You navigated. I navigated. I just was like, it is what it is. But you're navigating. Yeah, you are. I don't think so, but I hope I am. Thanks friends. Well, if being a successful entrepreneur, salon owner, or whatever industry you are trying to make it in, you have to know that knowledge is power and knowledge is knowledge of self. Of self is impactful. So if you have more knowledge on who you are as a person, like what really grinds your gears, like you're not just going through life, just trying to figure it out and reacting in those moments of when you need to react. So I wrote down a little thing. I don't know a little bit. And in the tidbit, I wrote that our generation is learning the benefits of having self love and respect along with setting boundaries and transparency. Our guards are slowly dropping and we, as a community is starting to get it. We have so much work to do and create creating this platform for me. Is one of them sharing experiences and talking through them is therapeutic. And the hack is we can truly thrive and make a hundred percent as a community. Cause there isn't any other way. We know that there's a lot of people probably throwing air punches because they want to rise above their pair and be the best, and that mentally will continue to keep us on this wheel. So in order to get to a hundred percent, let's. Get together, stick together and talk about our problems and rise above all of the triumph. That was so nice. I feel like we should make that like a cut where people can like listen to that and kind of get inspired behind it. Thank you. That was really sweet. guys. Well, thank you guys for listening. Thank you so much for taking at least 45 minutes out of your day to hear us talk about. The real tea behind the salon industry. Thank you so much for listening, and we'll see you next week. Later. Bye.